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Mr. Choi was a 79-year-old Korean male with advanced Alzheimer’s disease. As dictated by tradition, he was living with his oldest son’s family. Mr. Choi began losing weight
rapidly and experiencing sudden outbursts.
With his son and
daughter-in-law working 12-hour days, Mr. Choi
was left in the care of his teenage grandchildren.
"This became
an impossible situation. It was hard on our family and on him," says
his son. Moreover, the arrangement was in direct conflict with the cultural
values that guide the life and relationships of the Choi
family.
Tension developed
between the generations. The grandchildren insisted that Mr. Choi be placed in a nursing home.
But his son was
afraid to raise the issue with his father, and felt guilty and ashamed. In
short, he felt he was not able to meet the expectations of his role as
father and son in a Korean family.
The situation
remains a source of conflict for the family. "I wish I had known how
to raise the conversation sooner," says the younger Mr. Choi.
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